I Wrote Again !!!

#disuse-atrophy.

Tues. 5th May 2026.

Today, I took my first step back home and brought out my SMS journal. She has been sitting on my table at the bottom of my book pile for over two months now and dust has began to line her edges.

Words are brewing within me that are seeking a let out, and although the journey back to writing may or may not be a smooth one, I’m still willing to revisit this sacred facet of my being.

So today, I took a shaky step and placed my pen on paper. I think that will do for now. Tomorrow, I'll do better.

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Thurs. 14th May 2026.

Wow, more than a week has passed since I last visited this page.

Omooo x100.

The time is 11:56pm and the major reason I’m writing today is because the only thing I had written down as my goal for today was;

“Ede, sit down and write, the words are in you”.

And so, here I am, sitting down to write what I’m not even sure of, but just for the sake of accountability to myself, I’m going to sit with my thoughts and see what becomes of them.

It’s been more than two months since I had taken “The Pause’’. The supposed pause that was starting to look like “the end’’.

Thoughts of coming back have actually crossed my mind a couple of times, but I just never felt ready or healed enough to write again.

My reason for embarking on this respite was to go and find/deal with whatever was causing the extended writers’ block I was experiencing back then.

As the days went by, the underlying cause wasn’t coming forth and so I kept dragging out my return.

One of my friends, @ Ken iti Na, had initially told me to take my time as there will always be space for me when I do return. But then, she recently asked when I was coming back, that my break was getting too long.

I’m really grateful for that much needed push. Funny how my younger sister had also mentioned last week that she misses SMS and had asked if I was cooking up something.

Cooking what abeg???.

This gas cooker has been put off since the day I took off.

Oh well, I’m here now and I’m praying that this will come together to make sense at the end.

The sub-title of this newsletter, Disuse Atrophy is well portrayed in the picture above. It's a medical term that refers to the wasting away of the strength, size and functionality of a muscle mass due to an extended period of disuse.

During the period of my professional exams in March, a lot of things were put on hold in my life. Things like my writing, podcast, mental growth, health journey, the foundation I had excitedly launched in January, my weekly bible study meetings with my bible study group, and sadly, my prayers and personal bible study.

My whole life was turned upside down and the part that was left facing up was my identity as a medical student.

For each morning I had woken up during that trying season, I would literally let out a scream or two, and then just beg God to please hold me. I was daily sleeping at odd hours and then waking up at even odder hours for someone who had seen the sun rise before giving into the pull of sleep.

I took to drinking two bottles of coke per day just to keep my brain stimulated whilst fully aware of the repercussions.

I promise you, nothing was funny.

And you would think that after all that crashing out, that I did have ample time to recuperate before going at it again.

Nah, you thought wrong.

It wasn’t more than a week later, and we were back at it again, at an even higher energy demand, no breather whatsoever.

At least, there are less early morning screams now.

So realistically, finding my bearing and getting back to my once organized, purpose-driven, disciplined state hasn’t been as effectutal as I had intended.

Well, in the midst of all these, something really sad had happened which made me pause from the whirlwind of activities and sort of reevaluate my priorities.

Someone I had known, not so personally, had passed away at a young age. He had been known to many as a jovial, hardworking, smart Man.

Till date, the idea of someone being here one day and the next day they aren't still baffles me. It's such a hard concept to grasp.

As I said, I wasn’t really close to him, but for everytime I came across a post of him on someone’s status, the shock would reverberate through my body and I did pause to think.

To think about how fickle life is. To ask myself if I'm even making good meaning out of my own fickle life.

Like, asides the busyness of my course of study, I had to honestly answer the question of purpose.

I then went ahead to remind myself that, maybe I might not know the full scope of why I was created, and I’m still navigating the vicissitudes of my life amidst my very packed schedule. And maybe I’m still yet to get a clear cut yes or no to the numerous uncertainties that traverse my mind daily.

But in this moment and time, I remembered that I have a book, a pen and words that could add color to someone’s day, whether they’re perfect to me or not.

“Vanity upon vanity says the Preacher, all is vanity”.

And yet, life will be so meaningless if there was nothing worth living for and more so, dying for.

I’m deciding to choose my vanity by returning to this space.

Honestly, I’m not sure what I’ll write on next week, next month, next two months or even next year. But for everytime I choose to sit with my thoughts and write, I want to deeply believe that the river that had flowed in previous times will flow again, no matter how messy the pages may be.

According to Apostle Selman;

“At the end of your life, there are only two things that you will be remembered for; the problems you had caused or the ones you solved’’.

He had also said that;

“Maybe your’re not able to do everything, but at the very least, do something’’.

SMSwithEde is my something and as God will keep helping me, I’m going to try my real best to show up as simply and as honestly as I can manage.

One newsletter at a time, and eventually, this muscle mass will be reinstated.

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And that’s it.

I welcome you back to SMSwithEde-TheNewsletter. It's been a long time coming and it does feel good to be back on here.

My earnest prayer is that we will all grow in God’s will and purpose for our lives, per time, per season even as we choose to daily show up for the things that matter, Amen.

#Shalom🤍.

Signed: Abba’s Handpiece.